London Calling

Sizzling in the Old Dart ... Story of the complaining law graduate ... Tattle Life brought to book ... Beckham family feud over royal gong ... Floyd Alexander-Hunt's postcard

Is it just me or has the news been a bit too quiet this past month? 

Sure, the world inched closer to all-out war, and a plane heading to London literally fell out of the sky ... but other than those (literal) bombshells, there hasn't been too much excitement. 

The heat in the UK on the other hand ... I know I've said it before, but London (similar to all of the Aldi oven accessories I've ever bought) is not built for the heat. 

A thirty-degree day felt so dire in my fifth-floor flat that I literally checked into a hotel. Sure, Sydney gets much hotter, but every indoor space is air-conditioned to feel like an Antarctic experiences. 

Air-conditioning in the UK has the same strength as a child trying to blow out a candle.

So, I apologise in advance if this month's column sounds like a fever dream. I've got a fan pointed directly at me, a wet flannel on my forehead and many zany updates to get through. 

Reject me not

Law graduate, Zakir Khan, has been barred from complaining to the Employment Tribunal after he brought 42 "meritless" claims against prospective employers for rejecting his job applications. 

As someone who notoriously sends emails "just following up on the status of my job application", it makes me feel slightly less crazy. 

Khan sued a series of law shops - Mills & Reeve, Bevan Brittan, Weightmans, Shoosmiths and Irwin Mitchell, plus various government departments and the Solicitors Regulation Authority (SRA) under the Equality Act 2010, each time claiming they failed to make reasonable adjustments in their recruitment process. 

In some instances, Khan didn't even get as far as applying for the job, but sued on the basis that the application process was so discriminatory it wasn't worth applying for. 

Khan asserted that employers should have made adjustments including allowing him to skip assessments, while ignoring minimum competency thresholds and grammatical errors. 

He also claimed he should have been awarded higher marks, not been subject to a word limit on his application, allowed to send follow-up correspondence and provided with a scholarship. 

I would like to apply the same adjustments to my marriage – no word limit ever, no testing, no competency threshold, unlimited access to snoop my partner's phone whenever I like, and a lifelong scholarship for being, well ... me. 

Gossip Girl unmasked

Successful plaintiffs: Donna & Neil Sands

Sebastian Henry Bond (also known under the names of Bastian Durward & Helen McDougal), has been revealed as the person behind Tattle Life, an online gossip blog renowned for hosting harmful and defamatory content. 

This revelation follows a successful legal battle led by Neil and Donna Sands, an Irish couple, who were targeted on the site and awarded £300,000 in damages in 2023.

Tattle Life brands itself as a space for critiquing influencers who monetise their personal lives. However, it has long faced criticism for hosting toxic discussions and hate speech. 

The High Court of Justice in Northern Ireland confirmed that Bond, using the pseudonym "Helen McDougal", was responsible for the site through his companies Yuzu Zest Limited (UK) and Kumquat Tree Limited (Hong Kong). 

Bond is known online as a vegan influencer "Bastian Durward" and author of the book Nest and Glow, with 135k followers on Instagram. 

Despite his public-facing wellness persona, he was operating the controversial forum under multiple aliases. For someone with vegan persuasions, he sure did like to stir up a lot of beef. 

The Sands, who run successful businesses - Donna with her fashion label, Sylkie, and Neil in the AI sector - were repeatedly defamed and harassed on the website. 

The court labelled the platform as one that profited from "peddling untruths" and exploiting victims while shielding those responsible.

In response to the court's ruling, the Sands shared on Instagram that for nearly 10 years, the site caused serious harm to individuals' reputations and mental health under the false promise of anonymity. 

Their legal team conducted a global investigation to trace and freeze the site's profits across multiple countries. 

Of course, they could have discovered their identities a lot quicker if they'd enlisted the help of my teenage sisters who uncovered my husband's HSC results within hours of learning his name. 

Baby Becks in Becks standoff

The Bechhams at Highgrove with Charles

The world's least favourite nepo baby Brooklyn Beckham is locked in a legal battle with InBev, the Belgium brewing behemoth that owns Beck's lager, over the trademarking of his hot sauce venture. 

This is the latest challenge the 26-year-old faces, after reportedly falling out with his famous parents – football legend Sir David Beckham and fashion designer, icon and former spice girl Lady Victoria Beckham. Any guesses whose side I'm on?

Brooklyn, who launched his hot sauce label Cloud23 last year, recently filed a request to trademark in the US a related brand called Becks Buns. 

While "Becks Buns" might conjure images of Sir David Beckham's gluteus maximum, his son wants to claim the term for the expansion of his company to include other food products including spreads, sour cream and Greek yoghurt, as well as a line of clothing. 

The brewing giant has requested a 60-day extension to formally oppose the application, citing potential conflict with their established beer brand. 

Aside from this legal stoush, Beckham continues to be embroiled in rumours of family division. 

According to the New York Post's Page Six, Brooklyn was reportedly not told about his father's recent knighthood from the King. 

He continued to fuel rumours when he did not share a congratulatory post on the day Sir David was gonged, unlike the rest of his Beckham clan. 

In response to this rift, Brooklyn and his wife have reportedly hired Jenny Afia, the same lawyer engaged by Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, to better manage their public image. 

A good choice. If I've learned anything from living in the UK, it's that everyone loves the Sussexes.