SEARCH
Justinian News

Class action against pro-Palestine academics at the University of Sydney ... Toltz v Riemer; Toltz v Keane ... Federal Court file >> 

Politics Media Law Society

My Role in Gough's Downfall ... Reporter-at-Large … Scoops that flushed out the deceit behind the Dismissal … Big anniversary chinwag in Canberra on November 11 … The combined forces of Kerr, Ellicott and cousin Garfield … Constitutional manipulation … Maurice Byers to the rescue ... Read more >> 

This area does not yet contain any content.
Free Newsletter
Justinian Columnists

Knit one, purl one ... Iron Lady of legal rectitude endorses Gageler ... The chief justice wants judges on the straight and narrow ... The cardboard cutout model of legislative supremacy ... The evils of judicial activism ... Procrustes on the dance floor with the Legislative-Judicial Foxtrot ... Read more >> 

Blow the whistle

 

News snips ...


 Hard on the heels of Prima Facie comes Inter Alia ... More >>

Justinian's Bloggers

Berlusconi's dream world ... Revenge politics in Italy ... Independence of prosecutors under attack ... Constitutional assault ... The years of lead ... Investigations reopened into old murders ... High drama at Milan's Leoncavallo ... Rome correspondent Silvana Olivetti reports ... Read more >> 

"If we’re only picking people who have got completely lily-white records then we’ll be missing out on a lot of people that can contribute to public life.

NSW Premier Chris Minns, endorsing Mal Lanyon, his pick for Police Commissioner, whose contributions to public life include shouting drunken obscenities at a paramedic who came to his aid, and commandeering a police launch for private entertainment on New Year's eve ... Read more flatulence ... 


Justinian Featurettes

Schmoozing and betrayal ... Judge Water Softener rides into Integrityville mounted high on his horse ... Judicial review of corruption finding ... Intriguing submissions ... Unprecedented assistance to morals monitor ... The scale of the sub-rosa intrigue ... Plenty to think about ... Ginger Snatch reports ... Read more >> 

Justinian's archive

News Desk Special ... Angelic death notices from the bar ... Soapy slips on FOI changes ... Unusual interlocutory costs order for Chris Dale ... Judge ticks off Abbott in letters' page ... Knock About's festive salute to the coppers ... January 19, 2015 ... Read more >> 


 

 

« The joys of the duty barrister | Main | Police have trouble swearing »
Tuesday
Nov222011

Mr Mortified assumes too much

Junior Junior in court to catch Mr Mortified putting his foot in it during sentencing submissions ... Cringe ... When will men learn? ... Nothing should be assumed 

I have made my share of gaffs, legal and otherwise, and I have heard some shockers - but I was in court the other day and witnessed an absolute doozie.

I have to share it with you. 

A notable worthy of the bar, who I will call Mr Mortified, was dealing with a tough sentencing last week. 

The client wasn't a particularly likable fellow (they rarely are) and it was looking like a custodial sentence might top off this case for Mr Mortified and his unsavoury client.

So, like a eulogist at the funeral of an unloved deceased, Mr Mortified was grasping at the straws of his client's respectability in order to convey to the judge the importance that he remain in civilised society.

As he is hitting his peak, referring to his client being a family man and pillar of the community, the crim's wife and three young children straggled into the courtroom and took up some vacant chairs.  

Mortified spied said spouse and noted what a blooming figure of womanhood she was.

Ah ha! She's pregnant, he surmised. He turned to the judge and stated that not only is his client a family man, but he is about to become a bigger family man.

It would be inhumane to remove this caring husband from this lovely family while his wife had another little bun in the oven.

She will need the support of her darling, but misguided, husband during her pregnancy, birth and thereafter, in order to cope with this most beautiful of life's blessings.

As Mortified came to the end of this florid submission, his dutiful solicitor tugged on his robes, pointing to a scribbled note in front of him: 

"She's not pregnant! She's chubby." 

At that point Mr Mortified well and truly lived up to his moniker. He had two options:

  1. With his overriding duty to the court, he must immediately tell the court of his error; or 
  2. Being a kindly man and suspecting the client's wife is already upset (and the client is the sort of fellow who doesn't cope well with people who upset his wife) he would let it go and quietly, after the fact, inform the court and his opponent of this unfortunate misunderstanding. 

Mr Mortified decides on the latter course and promptly sits down.

The judge, in her wisdom, decided to keep the offender on this side of the prison wall. 

Unfortunately, Morty is now in a bigger pickle.

The crown, on hearing that the criminal's wife is not pregnant, is now planning to tender the solicitor's handwritten note on an appeal against the leniency of the sentence.

If Mortified had been a woman, this would never have happened.

No woman would assume another is pregnant, even in the face of breaking waters, unless she was told to her face. 

Men! They just assume ... which to me seems a funny thing for a barrister to do. 

 

Junior Junior

Reader Comments

There are no comments for this journal entry. To create a new comment, use the form below.
Member Account Required
You must have a member account on this website in order to post comments. Log in to your account to enable posting.